I wonder who the cowing hell will be swearing by me this season

Well maybe a few hours drinking around Fulham before the first game of the season but hey, I couldn’t afford to go because I’ve forked out for a season ticket.

And an adult one too. And I’ve got a voucher for a free pie. Who says Randy Lerner is cutting corners?

As Sky is not really interested in the Race for Seventh the game against Blackburn, like a lot of our games this season, will be at 3pm on Saturday.

Which means there will be time for a fry up in the morning and then a nice few pints before kick off. The way it should be.

OK we have not got a slew of new signings to oggle. In fact we haven’t even got half of last season’s team to watch but we do have the chance to go agog about The Zog. There is a lot resting on the Frenchman’s shoulders this season but he proved last season that he can carry a team’s need for flair on his own.

Last season was the first in years that we had a keystone cops style terrible defence. Under Houllier’s noble notion of trying to play attacking football up the pitch meant our defenders were constantly exposed to that mythical thing that they are all scared of - pace, real pace, genuine pace.

The fact that our defence is the same as two years ago show I think that all this pressing up the field and attacking free flowing football was something that will not be repeated.

But we wont lose as much this season and as last week showed we are capable of keeping a clean sheet.

But first game of the season is so much more than about those overpaid carthorses on the pitch.

It will be the first time in months thousands of friends get to see each other again. The Villa is the excuse so many of men use to see one another, the football is usually the worst part of the day.

And of course the first game of the season is either when you see all the same people where you sat last season. You know the people you have to hear shouting obscenities at the manager, ref, players, stewards, ball boys and the chairman once a week.

Or if you’ve moved seats to get away from certain fans screaming abuse at the players then the first game of the season is when you meet your new neighbours that will scream abuse.

Last season we had to endure a 16 or 17-year-old Villa Queen. You know the type, all Argos jewellery and mascara. In the tradition of Kick-It-Off-Sue in the 1980s this young lady didn’t let her sex stand in the way of being abusive and offensive.

When she screamed Houllier you ****ing French *****er was like an ice pick hacking away at your inner brain. But I give one thing, she was pretty accurate when she spat on the floor, most of the time.

We also sat by The World’s Most Negative Man. He was so negative he was calling Darren Bent, our saviour and only goal machine, ‘the b****d’ by his second game.

Granted they grated on our nerves, even pissed us right off sometimes. But as the season crept into Spring we got used to them, to such an extent when the screaming Villa Queen didn’t turn up for one game we wanted to know where she was, how she was and which station she was being held in.

So when the last game of the season finished, and what a day that was, we all hugged each other and said our farewells, and they were fond farewells.

We’ve moved seats this season, who knows who we will be next to, but it will be interesting to see at which point in the first half someone shouts ‘McLeish Out’.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here