ON the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a gay hating, women suppressing, migrant worker pimping Middle Eastern billionaire to buy Villa the title.

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me - an attacking manager who wont play Emile Heskey in midfield.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a Liverpool team who dont stick up for a goofy racist just because he can put the ball in the net.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - an England team not captained by an over-the-hill nasty piece of work with a disgusting public hatred of blackcurrants.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a league which isn’t governed solely on money and can only be one by two teams.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a history of the civil rights struggle to send to race traitor Glen Johnson.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me - an on form Stephen Ireland who concentrates on football instead of gold plated fish bowls and painting his car pink.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a full to the rafters Villa Park whose crowd have more to cheer about than the Race for Seventh.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - Stan Collymore unblocks me from Twitter (I know I cor believe it either) On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - Radio Five, Talksport, Sky and Match of the Day pundits who dare to say the Premiership is uncompetitive pap.

On the eleventh day of Christmas of my true love sent to me - free season tickets for all my friends who are the best thing about supporting the Villa On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - a ticket for Bristol Rovers away for the perfect birthday booze up!

Have a claret and blue Christmas my friends!

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Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here