After the fun of FA Cup I'm not Keane to be back in the Premier League

A good day was had by all in the West Country, especially for the police whose officers must have made a packet in overtime.

The treated Villa v Rovers like it was a Rangers Celtic game after both sets of fans had occupied a whisky distillery for a week.

We were on the coach and forced to wait in sleepy Stroud before entering Bristol where the police gave us an escort that Barack Obama would have been proud of.

But it was a blinding day out and we even won, despite the ref and our defence trying to spice it up in the last few minutes.

And then the draw. I presumed it would be Sunderland or ManYoo away. Or maybe even Racist FC of Liverpool who are taking this whole ‘everything 80s is cool’ trend a bit far by trying to turn themselves into a mirror image of Nasty Millwall. What next, will they try and unveil Robinsons Marmalade as their shirt sponsor? But it is Arsenal away, where we have a good record and where there are lots of lovely pubs.

And now we are back to the Premiership. You know, the competition that we have zero chance of winning for decades.

And we play Everton tomorrow. The fixture played more often than any other in English top flight football. And now both our proud clubs are struggling to keep up in the Race for Seventh (which Newcastle are running away with).

They don’t even have a billionaire like us, so on paper we should win the game.

And our results against Everton usually are a good barometer of how the season is going but as they are rubbish as well a dire nil nil will probably be a good representation of our seasons.

But hark, what have we here? A brand new signing who has had more transfers than a hyperactive tattoo artist’s kid. Robbie Keane. At last so many fans get what they have wished for, there were still fans who thought he could do a job here last season.

Finally getting Robbie Keane will be like the opening of the HS2 in 2035 - a total waste of time and money.

Because by the time the first train pulls off humans will probably be able to teleport down to London anyway.

And what was a brilliant idea decades before is out of date because of how long it took to happen.

But he will be wearing the claret and blue so I’ll be cheering him on for the next six weeks and hopefully be proved wrong. Though I did think it was a bit of a cheek holding our whole shirt up in front of the cameras, as he is only for a few games he should only have been allowed to hold up a Villa sock or keyring.

But I can’t help thinking I really hope seeing him play for us will not be like bumping into that girl you really fancied at school but you avoid in ASDA because she takes up half the aisle, has loads of kids jumping around the place, a trolley full of transfats and a faraway sadness in her eyes.

And what about if he does really well and scores a hat-trick every game? Then all we will have is the memories and a huge Irish hole left in our hearts when he goes back to Disneyland or wherever he plays.

But there are signs of improvement in the Villa, I hope Clarke gets a start, I really like the look of him.

And tomorrow might be the Zog’s day. In fact I’m going to throw a bit of cash on him to score first because he is looking lively and he has to score his first goal for us sooner or later. I know that might seem like an idiot’s act of optimism but then again I think we might have a chance against Arsenal away in the great FA Cup!

Up the Villa!

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